how to spot a princess (or what happens if you piss me off)

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a princess is someone, no matter how unreasonable a request, assumes that their smallest desire and off-the-cuff whim should be administered to by whomsoever they in their twisted minds think owes them.

in fact, princesses think that the world owes them. that their ex-boyfriends owe them. that everyone who spends a minute with them owes them something for being graced with their precious presence. princesses are better than others, and in fact their petty life losses can be compared to the tsunami that hit asia. their losses are worse actually because according to them the people who experienced the tsunami or katrina have experienced physical losses that are far easier to deal with. a princess’ losses are inside and the losses are worse. this is another way to spot a princess.

a princess does not understand how to love. case in point: a princess and her vanity allow her to spend years with someone she claims to love and share her heart and soul with while lying about her age the entire time. she turns out to be years older than the mere 27 she claims. oh yes, this is true love, this is a soul match. i love you, just don’t ask me to tell you my age. yes yes! that is the love we are raised to aspire for! oh princess, harbinger of prison and wisdom, hail to your blonde beauty, hail to your aged knowledge! and down with your ex, that bastard! how dare he leave you! you gave him so much!

a princess is such a coward that her mother must write to her ex-boyfriend to get money that is owed to her princess self because of a voyage that she made uninvited to interrupt his life and cause as much pain as she could to him and his then fiance. princess says that money is owed to her for the time she spent with him sitting on her ass being supported financially and shopping with his money. her days spent posting advertisements of wedding rings inside his closet as a pink hint. needing wooden hangers and complaining. down with your ex! he foiled your plan of pain and destruction to ruin is wedding! he hurt your feelings! he was always supposed to pine for you, even though you never even loved him! down with your ex, that bastard!

poor little princess. all the sympathy in the world for you, dear. sad little princess who is so jaded and whose suffering is so much worse than others because princesses just aren’t made to undergo all this pain, are they now? even going into the army doesn’t change that princess core, does it now?

fuck you, you spoiled little, oops, old brat. what is this, a mid-life crisis or something? get the fuck over yourself. desperation is not attractive, no matter how much glaze you put over your face, hair and personality.

you are owed nothing. nada. zip. deal with it.

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