Indeed the last week or so since my Bobby Kennedy experience has been intense. I have had to deal with the strangest dreams, the strangest situations both in life and online and a lot is being released. I have, of late, been using the Aztec Calendar to make decisions and get myself into balance with the forces of nature that tend to overwhelm me and it is a powerful tool. I notice also, that my bodies natural cycles are getting to be much easier for me to read and the sadness I feel at my core is for the egg that was shed not too long ago, my body is going into mourning mode.
That said, I am feeling Grampa Tony around and I feel he is encouraging me to speak up. He always said that if we see something is wrong, we should never be afraid to talk about it and tell people about it. I find many times that I write the things that I want people to hear. When I write about the UN it is always demonising the governments and never anyone else who may be complicit. When I talk about politics I never mention Israel because I have readers who are from there or are good friends with close ties to my own heart. Why should these things censor me from talking about what I see or feel or what I see/feel as being wrong? Am I so concerned about being liked and read that I will give the impression I am saying everything on my mind when it is truly far from the case?
We are in the trecena of Mazatl, the Deer. It is a time for following tracks, backtracking, spotting, camoflauging, good days to watch the routines of others and bad days to follow our own routines. Since the changeover into Mazatl I have realised that one of my routines has been to tell people what they want to hear. It was what I did at the UN, it is what I do here. I only don’t do it when I love the person more than my life itself and there are only a handful of people who I share that part of myself with. Since my Bobby Kennedy memories, I find myself doing just that almost easily: telling people what they do not want to hear. I find myself in synch with Mazatl, the Deer, who happens to be one of my Guardian Spirits. Today, Ozomahtli, the monkey, is a warning of how the noble person can be trapped by the lures of the public life. When I read today’s day sign, I knew it was time to break out and speak up not just hidden away in my thoughts and journal, but here and my website, www.sezin.org, whose official re-release is also today.
I realised that I had not learned one of Grampa Tony’s most important lessons, that of speaking up, and as you read in my last post and as you will see more and more in my posts to come, I will continue to do so. Maybe it seems cruel, but compassion is not always the easiest thing. I know for me personally, people have had to write me emails or give me talking-to’s that hit me hard and deep, and although they may have seemed cruel they were done out of love and indeed those conversations were the ones that moved me forward the fastest. Sometimes we simply don’t heed the gentle voice of the Deer and we need to get a swift kick to the ass or a good strong antler prod to the side. Occasionally, the toughest compassion is what speeds up healing ten-fold because in one fell swoop we realise how far we have strayed from our path. One of the sadder things I learned this week is that not everyone who seems to be crying out for help is actually wanting of that help. Some that cry and wander are in fact lost, but they like it that way, and like vampires thrive on the misery and destruction they create of their lives while drinking their own blood and gnawing on their own leg from heart hunger. I realised how blessed I am in my mind that I want to heal, that I want to be happy, I am willing to do what it takes to move myself forward. When I need help I am open to receive it, and I am here to help when and where it is needed. I am not going to chase the shadows of demon souls whose unhappiness devours them alive.
I feel a new energy coming into the world, and not just my world. I am sensing new truths emerging not just for me but for many others. There is a time coming soon where the masks will be shed, if not in one fell swoop then bit by bit. Here is a little piece of my mask I leave behind as an offering to the Spirits, that they may guide me in growing into my new face, this new self who will embody Grampa Tony and the Elder’s teachings. May the Warriors bless my path and may they grant me the strength to show this face proudly and bravely. May the Spirits help me to see the truths about myself and others. May the voice of my Soul reach those who need me and may those who I need make their way towards me in turn.
Mitaku Oyasin. We Are All Related.