Category Archives: Trauma

Christmas in a War Zone

Why I am not a big fan of Christmas and prefer the Festivus tradition of airing grievances.

The Transition House

Our ultimate home in Europe, Lothringer str., Koeln.

Just because I keep moving (countries) does not mean I am moving forward.

Self-Preservation

Self-Preservation by Nicola Toms

Approaching the eleven-year memorial of Wendy Soltero’s murder and my self-preservation instinct finally kicks in.

Body Memory

Dreamland -- Self-portrait by Wendy Soltero

After years of healing, why does the body remember a painful day before the mind catches up?

Lost in Transition

Screen capture from The Dixie Chicks "Landslide" video.

Wracked with anxiety about our impending Prague departure, I try to make sense of my emotions with the help of Fleetwood Mac’s “Landslide”.

Your Personal Message

If I had an audience of 1 million, this is what I would say. Day 10 of the Emerson “Self-Reliance” project.

Afraid To Do

Day 0 Emerson

Mr. Emerson and I are at odds today. Day 9 of the Ralph Waldo Emerson “Self-Reliance” project.

Dare To Be Bold

Day 0 Emerson

Now is not my time to be bold. Day 7 of the Ralph Waldo Emerson “Self-Reliance” project.

Come Alive

Day 6 Emerson Project Come Alive

“In what areas of your life are you preparing to live?” asks Jonathan Mead for Day 6 of the Emerson “Self-Reliance” project.

Suffer The (Girl) Children

Stop-Rape

The real life horror story of an 11-year-old child gang raped by a group of 19 males and her subsequent victim blaming in a major press outlet leads me to boycott the New York Times.

A Love Letter To Grief

Approaching the ten-year memorial of my dear friend Wendy’s murder and I am struggling, still, to process the event and all the time that has passed.

Zuzu Irwin Dreams With Jellyfish

Jellyfish by Carrie Ross

The first installment in a new Zuzu’s Petal series, Zuzu Irwin’s Global Safari, that explores an amazing encounter at the Long Beach Aquarium in 2001 and its reverberations to today.

A New First

Shooting Dogs

My first ever piece of flash fiction is published in Glossolalia Magazine! Yeah!

Remnants

The Past, oil pastel on paper by Sezin, 2003

The looming memorial of the September 11, 2001 tragedy has me thinking about things left behind.

A Love Letter To Beloved Dead

Old Postcards

My friend Catherine’s amazing expat+HAREM post “Death at a distance”, one of the most powerful essays I have ever read, has left me processing a great deal of unresolved grief.

The Healing Power of Horror

MARTYRS by Pascal Laugier

From MARTYRS to AMERICAN MONSTERS to psychological methods of trauma healing to Toni Morrison’s Beloved to Cold Case while discussing the healing powers of horror stories. (But no Lady Gaga this time :-)

On Dreams, Suffering and the French Film MARTYRS

martyrs

I was reminded of a strange dream I had a few years ago after recently watching the brilliant French film MARTYRS, and of course also manage to tie this back to Lady Gaga. ;-)

On homosociality, American masculinties, and violence against women in DEADGIRL

Vagina dentata imagery in the flesh.

Delving back into my much-loved world of cultural anthropology via the horror film “Deadgirl” and its social significance.

The Assasination Of Marilyn Monroe

My review of the tragic “Assassination Of Marilyn Monroe”.

On Angels, Demons and Living Paradoxically

Angel In A Red Dress, pen on paper by Sezin Koehler

My friend Vesper’s amazing blog post inspires me to consider my thoughts on good, evil and other things in between.

Woe Is Me

Oh the horror!

Exploring the various facets of women’s literature and where my first novel, AMERICAN MONSTERS, fits into the debate.

Wild Things Make My Heart Sing

My copy of Where The Wild Things are, circa 1984.

Reflections on the magical and terrifying film “Where The Wild Things Are”.

Inglourious Revenge

My impassioned review of Quentin Tarantino’s magnificent “Inglourious Basterds”.

Miep, Myself and Wendy

My reflections on Miep Gies’ death as well as Wendy Soltero’s would-be 32st birthday.

In the “Nought”ies I:

Many of the things that I did in the Naughts Decade. I probably left out a bunch, but anyway.

Misogyny Lives

I am stunned beyond belief at all the support being offered Roman Polanski, convicted child raper and jail dodger, after his long overdue  arrest in Zurich last week. What kind of world do we live in that just because a person is a celebrity and a holocaust survivor he is somehow seen as being exempt…

The Bane of Forgiveness

Here in Europe we have this amazing cream called Bepanthen that is phenomenal for healing wounds without any resulting scarring. Doesn’t matter how you got the wound, scrape, burn, but if you use Bepanthen on it you absolutely will not scar. I got to thinking that maybe forgiveness is like that cream. If you don’t…

In Memoriam

Eight years ago two planes flew into New York’s World Trade Centers killing thousands. I remember my then-boyfriend waking me up to tell me what had happened. It was 8am in California and so I laughed at the news, thinking that someone had pulled a Fight Club and destroyed two empty buildings. When he reminded…

Food of The Gods: The Ethiopan Experience

My introduction to Ethiopia and its cuisine was in a Rastafarianism, Reggae, and the African Diaspora course I took in university. What struck me the most was learning that Ethiopia had never been colonized, and is one of the few African nations never to have been. Not for lack of trying, mind you. The Italians…

The Trauma Fairy

I am pretty sure I’ve discovered a new fairy who has been in my life for some time now. I’m calling her The Trauma Fairy, and my belief is she goes into our minds while we sleep and erases things that are just too awful to remember. One of the more dramatic times she visited…

The Stranger In Me

Although it’s been weeks since I’ve seen it, I’m still thinking about the movie The Brave One. Jodie Foster repeats throughout the film that after the horrific trauma she went through, it was like a new person emerged in her. Someone who was capable of doing things that she never would have dreamed of doing…

Seven Years Of Pain

Last weekend, Steve and I went to see the new Jodie Foster film The Brave One. I’ve been feeling so strangely about my life, Wendy’s death, dealing with violence, that I had mixed feelings about a movie where a woman’s response to trauma is to pick up a gun and begin killing baddies. The mixed…

That Time Of The Year

Seven years ago on October 28 in Hollywood my dear friend Wendy was murdered and died in my arms. She was killed by a 19-year-old gang member who, after my testimony, is serving a life sentence in prison. I can feel it in my spirit and my bones that The Day is approaching, albeit seven…

In Cold Blood

Before Wendy died, I was against capital punishment for all the open minded liberal wooo rah whatever theories I can’t even remember now, but most importantly because life is sacred and an eye for an eye will make the whole world blind. After Wendy’s death, I was filled with such inconsummate rage that I felt…

is it safe?

just a few hours after my last blog, written very early this morning, we found Tommy outside our kitchen door, bleeding. his throat has been almost torn out. for the last few hours we have been trying to feed him, we made him a little bed in the kitchen, and tried to comfort him as…