Approaching the eleven-year memorial of Wendy Soltero’s murder and my self-preservation instinct finally kicks in.
Tag Archive: Trauma
Body Memory
After years of healing, why does the body remember a painful day before the mind catches up?
Lost in Transition
Wracked with anxiety about our impending Prague departure, I try to make sense of my emotions with the help of Fleetwood Mac’s “Landslide”.
Your Personal Message
If I had an audience of 1 million, this is what I would say. Day 10 of the Emerson “Self-Reliance” project.
Afraid To Do
Mr. Emerson and I are at odds today. Day 9 of the Ralph Waldo Emerson “Self-Reliance” project.
Come Alive
“In what areas of your life are you preparing to live?” asks Jonathan Mead for Day 6 of the Emerson “Self-Reliance” project.
The Story That Needs To Be Written
With only fifteen minutes to live, this is the story that I had to tell. Day 1 of the #Trust30 Ralph Waldo Emerson “Self-Reliance” Project.
There’s No Place Like Home
Upheaval in the world and personally brings up the ever-present yet elusive question of “Where will I find home?”.
Suffer The (Girl) Children
The real life horror story of an 11-year-old child gang raped by a group of 19 males and her subsequent victim blaming in a major press outlet leads me to boycott the New York Times.
Storm of the Century
Trapped on a freezing tram in a blizzard that shuts down Prague’s public transportation. A real-life nightmare.
A Love Letter To Grief
Approaching the ten-year memorial of my dear friend Wendy’s murder and I am struggling, still, to process the event and all the time that has passed.
Zuzu Irwin Dreams With Jellyfish
The first installment in a new Zuzu’s Petal series, Zuzu Irwin’s Global Safari, that explores an amazing encounter at the Long Beach Aquarium in 2001 and its reverberations to today.
Remnants
The looming memorial of the September 11, 2001 tragedy has me thinking about things left behind.
A Love Letter To Beloved Dead
My friend Catherine’s amazing expat+HAREM post “Death at a distance”, one of the most powerful essays I have ever read, has left me processing a great deal of unresolved grief.
The Healing Power of Horror
From MARTYRS to AMERICAN MONSTERS to psychological methods of trauma healing to Toni Morrison’s Beloved to Cold Case while discussing the healing powers of horror stories. (But no Lady Gaga this time 
On Dreams, Suffering and the French Film MARTYRS
I was reminded of a strange dream I had a few years ago after recently watching the brilliant French film MARTYRS, and of course also manage to tie this back to Lady Gaga. 
On homosociality, American masculinties, and violence against women in DEADGIRL
Delving back into my much-loved world of cultural anthropology via the horror film “Deadgirl” and its social significance.
Portrait of A Killer
A review of Patricia Cornwell’s phenomenal forensic study “Portrait of a Killer: Jack The Ripper Case Closed”
Why?
An explosive encounter with a racist Czech granny prompts me to once again consider why it is I continue to live in Prague.
Woe Is Me
Exploring the various facets of women’s literature and where my first novel, AMERICAN MONSTERS, fits into the debate.
Wild Things Make My Heart Sing
Reflections on the magical and terrifying film “Where The Wild Things Are”.
Fear Of Flying
In 1973 Erica Jong wrote the feminist anthem, Fear Of Flying. The heroine, Isadora, though terrified of flying, boards a plane and her subsequent journey leads to a spiritual and sexual awakening that was the one of the first of its kind in print. Jong’s thesis is that the fear of flying is the fear…
Miep, Myself and Wendy
My reflections on Miep Gies’ death as well as Wendy Soltero’s would-be 32st birthday.
In the “Nought”ies I:
Many of the things that I did in the Naughts Decade. I probably left out a bunch, but anyway.
A Response to Allen Ginsberg’s America
America, I trusted you with my life and you stole my innocence. America, no dollars nor credit card cents, October 28, 2000. I can’t stand my own memories. America, when will you end your genocides? Go fuck yourself with your right to bear arms. My uterus has been poisoned since your doctors put their hands…
Misogyny Lives
I am stunned beyond belief at all the support being offered Roman Polanski, convicted child raper and jail dodger, after his long overdue arrest in Zurich last week. What kind of world do we live in that just because a person is a celebrity and a holocaust survivor he is somehow seen as being exempt…
The Bane of Forgiveness
Here in Europe we have this amazing cream called Bepanthen that is phenomenal for healing wounds without any resulting scarring. Doesn’t matter how you got the wound, scrape, burn, but if you use Bepanthen on it you absolutely will not scar. I got to thinking that maybe forgiveness is like that cream. If you don’t…
In Memoriam
Eight years ago two planes flew into New York’s World Trade Centers killing thousands. I remember my then-boyfriend waking me up to tell me what had happened. It was 8am in California and so I laughed at the news, thinking that someone had pulled a Fight Club and destroyed two empty buildings. When he reminded…
The Trauma Fairy
I am pretty sure I’ve discovered a new fairy who has been in my life for some time now. I’m calling her The Trauma Fairy, and my belief is she goes into our minds while we sleep and erases things that are just too awful to remember. One of the more dramatic times she visited…
The Stranger In Me
Although it’s been weeks since I’ve seen it, I’m still thinking about the movie The Brave One. Jodie Foster repeats throughout the film that after the horrific trauma she went through, it was like a new person emerged in her. Someone who was capable of doing things that she never would have dreamed of doing…
Seven Years Of Pain
Last weekend, Steve and I went to see the new Jodie Foster film The Brave One. I’ve been feeling so strangely about my life, Wendy’s death, dealing with violence, that I had mixed feelings about a movie where a woman’s response to trauma is to pick up a gun and begin killing baddies. The mixed…
That Time Of The Year
Seven years ago on October 28 in Hollywood my dear friend Wendy was murdered and died in my arms. She was killed by a 19-year-old gang member who, after my testimony, is serving a life sentence in prison. I can feel it in my spirit and my bones that The Day is approaching, albeit seven…
Capote, a film by Bennett Miller, 2005
Granted, I haven’t actually read In Cold Blood or Breakfast at Tiffany’s yet, but for some reason I always imagined Truman Capote as a sort of gangster-esque character. A real burly manly man in a trench coat and spats. Imagine my surprise to discover that he was gay! A New Yorker who had to be…
A Sinister Sunday
Sunday’s are no longer a day of quiet leisure and relaxing with my secret pleasures of ‘The OC’ and ‘One Tree Hill.’ In lieu of catching the only work shuttle to the Hurriyet Media Tower where I wile my days away trapped on the top floor like the princess I used to imagine I was,…
is it safe?
just a few hours after my last blog, written very early this morning, we found Tommy outside our kitchen door, bleeding. his throat has been almost torn out. for the last few hours we have been trying to feed him, we made him a little bed in the kitchen, and tried to comfort him as…
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