that things were not quite so bad before until we enter into an even worse situation, or go deeper into an existing one.
drunk people are not wise no matter how much they think they are. they only get more glassy eyed, they slur their words and don’t remember the simple things you just spent hours discussing. same with stoners. there is also a distinct personality change that is evident to anyone who is not drinking and has not drank for some time.
a muslim country is still a muslim country, no matter how progressive it is. spain is still just as bad as a muslim country so at least there is that.
sometimes we visit a place in a moment of innocence and fall in love with it only to realise years later after life, trauma and aging it is not the same as it was and in that moment the magic that previously existed is now dead.
jumping into anything without all the information, as romantic as it may seem at the time, is not a good idea and only leads to disappointment, trouble and grief that could otherwise be avoided.
sometimes the hardest thing to do is to simply leave even though we are taught that running away is not the answer. sometimes there is simply nothing more that can be done.
i am not interested in drinking. or going out. or partying. at all. period. i would like a quiet life. near woods would be nice, or on a plain where there is no one for miles and miles. where the wind speaks the voice of God and Spirits bring visions between the blinks of my eyes.
it seems that the only place in the world i have been where i feel i belong and i am in turn recognised as belonging is Pine Ridge, South Dakota with the Lakota People. no matter where else i have been before or after my short time there, i have felt like an outsider. even in istanbul, surrounded by brown asian people i find that my ‘unique bone structure’ is the tell that i am not a local. it is always something that gives me away. except among the Lakota. somehow, my bone structure said that i was one of them. i had never felt that before, have not felt it since and i long to feel it again.
once one makes a decision and knows in one’s heart it is the right one, it can be extremely difficult but the only thing one can do is follow it. i know what i must do but i somehow can’t seem to follow it.