when i saw ‘the elephant man’ i felt i was him somehow. a person who never quite seems to fit in with the sea of people around him and someone who is always obvious no matter what he does to hide the fact.
today after going to see a wonderful doctor who diagnosed my Middle Ear problem (a strange synchronicity as feel a part of the Dark Tower worlds, one of which is called Middle Earth…hile Gunslinger, hile Sai King) i am to remain with my head up as if in a neck brace so the crystals in my ear can settle back into place. and yes, i must sleep upright just likenmy other Self, The Elephant Man, lest my balance return me to my dizzy and falling-down, pained state of olde. i feel comfortable, finally, and much calmer. it is amazing how a small thing like the Middle Ear can cause so much damage in all worlds.
speaking of freaks, not only has my diagnosis lead me to embrace my Elephant Man-ness, i felt not unlike bill murray in ‘lost in translation’ while we were at the doctor, listening to him speak for five minutes in turkish for the translator to tell me, ‘it is not serious.’ BUT WHAT IS IT!?!?!?!? it didn’t matter in the end. i just had to let go and trust that even though i didn’t know what was being said, the most important part was being conveyed and that is something of a luxury in life, really.
the nicest thing about the treatment is that when i walk, i cannot look down, i am forced to look only at the horizon and utilise the entirescope of vision. paolo coelho, in ‘the valkyries’ has an excersise for expanding the soul that is exactly this: to walk with one’s gaze directly ahead. not looking down, not looking to the sides. at first it is difficult, but then you can begin to see and take in the entire path ahead of you. where the road dips and rises, where the sidewalk ends… not from looking down but from looking up as if to God and the Angels. it is amazing how much more one can see! and even though it is a little scary at first to just trust our ability to read the path ahead of us and remember what we see, i began to realise that we don’t actually need to be turning our heads this way and that, nor staring at the ground while we walk. keeping our eyes straight ahead allows us to see everything in front of us, and i think it also helps us to see the life that is in front of us. not the immediate step we are to take, but the longer haul. maybe in keeping our eyes to the horizon, we are privy to the Gods plan for us. not all of the plan, but certainly a bigger chunk of it than if we look at only the immediate future.
illnesses, in effect, have spiritual ramifications and spiritual cures. i think my initial problem was caused by too much looking down, too much short-sightedness. it caused me to lose both my physical and mental balance. such a small thing to get both balances back on track.
i knew in my heart that the turkish doctors would be able to help me, lost in translation or not, and i have faith they already have.