Istanbul · Wendy


They say that the things we have lost will never be returned to us, but I’m not sure if that’s entirely true. Yes, what is gone cannot itself return but I think aspects of what we have lost come back in many familiar forms.

Take my Spirit Guide, Cubby, the wolf-dog who was my companion and best friend for 15 years until she passed away 2 years ago. Cubby was the kindest dog that ever walked the face of this planet. We used to call her The Babysitter because when my sisters were younger Cubby would stay with them until they fell asleep and they couldn’t sleep without her there. Cubby was so beautiful. Sleek, black fur and the kindest amber eyes. Children were drawn to her because she was an angel. She looked so fierce, but she was so incredibly gentle. When our other dogs would gang up on her and attack, Cubby would just let them because she knew that her teeth could kill them and she didn’t want to hurt anyone. I don’t think about her as an animal. I think about her as one of my dearest friends, my sister, my grandmother in a way. She was so wise. Losing her was incredibly difficult because she was so many things to me but to others she was just a dog. A pet. To us, she wasn’t a pet, she was a beloved member of our family and a huge chunk of my life.

A few months ago, a CubbyCat rolled up on our porch. I named him Boo Radley and he is almost exactly what Cubby would have looked like as a cat, except Boo doesn’t have the white paws that my Darlinga did and Boo’s eyes are emeralds, not amber. A fluffy, black CubbyCat. Boo Radley was the second cat who let me pet him and indeed we became fast friends. Boo has a squeaky voice like a little monkey and he loves to chat. Yesterday, my birthday, I spent hours outside with Boo chatting and petting him. He reminds me so much of Cubby and the moment I saw him all those months ago I knew that Cubby sent him to me to be my special friend here, my Familiar. Like Cubby, Boo understands me. If I ask Boo questions, he responds when he knows the answer. He falls asleep with his head in my hands. He’s a street cat! For some reason he trusts me so much that he will sleep with his little head in my giant’s hands. What an amazing feeling. Also, none of the other cats let me pet them for as long as I spent yesterday with Boo. In fact, I myself get bored after just a few minutes and I go inside to wash the fur off me. Not with Boo. I could hang out with Boo for hours and so could he. This is not a coincidence. This is the work of Spirits, I’m positive.

In something of the same spirit, I don’t think it is a coincidence that my sister-in-law sounds eerily like Wendy and has the same laugh that I remember sharing with my dear friend all those years ago. The first time I talked to Carolyn, I knew even deeper that I was to be with Steve and hearing Carolyn’s voice was a sign from the Spirit Realm that I was on the right path and I indeed was meant to marry Steve. Every time I talk to Carolyn I feel a sense of peace come over me because I know that while I won’t hug Wendy again, soon I will hug Carolyn, and I know that Wendy has played such a huge part in this.

The things that we have lost will not be returned to us, but they will live with us. The things we have lost will return to us their eternal essences, those things that we indeed cannot live without and in that way they help us to keep moving forward. They remind us that in spite of the losses, we are on the right path and they give us the strength to forge ahead.

0 thoughts on “Familiars

  1. Our cubby, my companion with Blossom in the one room in Tannay for almost 5 years, later to the lovely room in Thoiry, always Blossoms roommate, but I´m not sure if they were ever friends….they did respect each other, their space and time with others….cubby (and blossie) who loved sitting with me while I read….in Tannay and Thoiry…..stretched out, so lovingly by my side…..or hiding in the bushes……and how much cubby wanted yet disliked her bath… she has so much stuff bunched up in all her hair……I too miss cubby every day….and my special blossom.


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