Istanbul · Television · Third Culture Kids

Notes About Nothing

*It has been six weeks since my last post.

*In the last six weeks I threw out my back, found out it wasn’t my back that was the problem but rather Irritable Bowel Syndrome, watched season 1-3 of ‘Medium,’ and been on a detox diet of vegetables, rice and beans.

*I’ve written before about the transvestite prostitute who lives below us. In a fit of frustration about his/her loud music and the fact that the neighbors are too terrified to do anything about him/her, they attacked our apartment a week ago throwing bottles, rocks and screaming at us. Scary. There was an old man who was flinging himself against the downstairs gate, pulling out his hair and beating his daughter in the meantime, we have no idea why. The nicest and most reasonable people ended up being the police, who fit nothing of the Midnight Express profile, oddly enough. I’ve never seen a mob mentality at work and it is a truly terrifying thing. The saddest part is the fact that we were targeted for the mere fact of being foreigners. The hooker downstairs plays his/her music with ‘clients’ every night, sometimes for hours, sometimes starting at 2 or 3 in the morning. Yet we are the ones who get attacked with bottles and rocks. Go figure. Once we are out of the country, I will write about this in far more depth. It’s not safe yet.

*We move to Prague in 4 days. While I am not excited about moving in the least, I am indeed excited about getting out of here. The neighbors continue to complain about last Saturday at Steve’s work and I am terrified of running into one of the upstairs madmen in the hallway. July 4 will be our independence from Turkey. And not a moment too soon. I can finally get a night’s sleep uninterrupted by the prostitute’s music at 3 AM. I can stop living in fear.

*I’ve developed a strange obsession with Jackass. You know, I can be horribly judgmental and I never watched the show because I thought it was somehow beneath me. What I have learned is that sometimes you just need things that are stupid. Sometimes, empty silly things are necessary in order to cleanse the spirit with laughter. Also, the law of karma can be seen at work in Jackass in just about every skit. You do something dumb and you get hurt. Simple as that. Life is like that. It’s a natural law. Plus, there is something wonderful and even beautiful about their absolute fearlessness in performing their crazy stunts. I admire their fearlessness. I admire how in touch they are with their own mortality. How unafraid they are of pain, of falling, of just letting go. Not to mention that Johnny Knoxville is so hot. I think he is a living superhero, unbreakable. I really do.

*Just because I haven’t been writing here doesn’t mean I haven’t been writing. I write every day in my journal and this blog actually has helped me structure my journal entries so much better. They have titles now. They are coherent. They have a beginning and an ending. They are little mini-essays instead of random streams of consciousness. I like that. They are too personal though, and I all of a sudden don’t feel like putting everything out there anymore. Maybe my fearlessness at sharing will come back one day, but right now it kind of feels good to keep some things just for me. It’s a new feeling. I’m trying it out and liking it.

*One of my best friends from highschool, Jenn, recently found me again on Myspace! We haven’t seen each other in more than a decade, and since we’ve been back in touch I feel more whole. Like I had kept a special Jenn room in my heart that was so sad all these years we’ve been apart, and now that place is happy again and part of my personal history has been returned to me. I am reminded that I have built my roots on people, not places, and losing touch with someone I love so much is losing a bit of myself. Finding Jenn again was such an unexpected yet long-awaited event, and it makes me sublimely happy. Maybe this is why I don’t feel like sharing every little thing that happens to me. Because I am returning to myself as people I love are returned to me, making me feel more solid and secure in myself and who I am.

*Yesterday, I bought the most expensive pair of shoes I have ever in my life purchased and you will not believe what kind of shoes they are. Black Converses with the broken-tooth skull and crutches logo of, you guessed it, Jackass. Oh my Goddess, they are so fricking punk rock I am madly in love with them. Yeah yeah yeah, girls are supposed to spend inordinate amounts of cash on Manolo Blahnik’s or Jimmy Choo’s and they are supposed to be cute and strappy with high heels. Whatever. These have become my new favorite shoes and I can’t wait to start wearing them. Not here, though. I’m saving my Jackass Converses for Prague. Yeah baby.

*A few new obsessions: vitamin supplements, licorice pills, red lentils and coconut milk, salmon, Carnivale, reference books on medicinal herbs, writing in my journal, ink drawings of what may turn out to be a whole new personal deck of Tarot cards, sulfurous soap and this wonderful tea for women that has the perfect amount of St. John’s Wort in it to cure my depression.

*It feels good to be back here even though I didn’t really talk about anything at all. The influence of too much Seinfeld, methinks. Although not as bad a thing as I would have once thought.


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