Expatria · Marriage · Prague · Spirituality

How To Alienate Good People

A surefire way to alienate good folks and lose friends is by being fake. Fake people are the worst. To clarify, being fake is very different from being polite or professional. Being fake is pretending to be friends with people you can’t stand and not giving them even the slightest moment of pause to think otherwise. It’s virtually impossible to be friends with fake people if you are a good person: it’ll tend to be that you’re the one others come to in order to bitch about the people they don’t like, and that can be fine since everyone needs a space to vent. However, this can lead to the second way to alienate good people:

If you spend time bitching to me about all these other people in your life that you can’t stand, and then I see you with them acting like you’re good old chums, bestest besty friends, well that’s going to give me pause isn’t it? How do I know that you aren’t talking mad shit about me behind my back like you are with the people you claim are barely acquaintances. How can I ever possibly trust you? This is probably one of the most effective ways to alienate good people.

Another way is to be pretentious, prima donna-y, manipulating, back-stabbing, vocalise how much better you are than other people, be mean and rude. Yes, that’s a great deal of things in this third way to alienate good people, but they are all fundamentally linked. Good people should be aware here: sometimes we see these qualities only after we’ve already been taken advantage of, and that’s the worst. No one is better than anyone. We are all people, we are all the same. Only insecure people feel the need to put others down in public, and we’ve all done it at some point or another. However, part of maturing is growing a consciousness that is able to recognise how to treat people humanely. Being a mature adult does not include saying horrible things about people (like how much better you are than them, how much more talented, popular, good looking, etc. ) and then when you realise they’ve got something you need, turning around and being super-nice, pretending like nobody heard your shit-talking. Or going so far as to sociopathically pretend you always liked the person you slammed on a regular basis behind their back. People users are instant good people alienators. Sociopaths are not only good people alienators, they are dangerous. It’s positively vampiric.

There is this little thing called humbleness and if you don’t have it you are sure to alienate not just good people, but all people, pretty much in a finger snap. Nobody likes a self-involved person, someone who is unable to come out of their bubble even to ask another person, “How are you doing?” and go on speaking, blathering away a bunch of nonsense to which only desperate people would bother to listen.

And desperation is another way to alienate good people. There are some people who are so desperate to be liked, to be a part of a group no matter what the group is, that they will do anything to be included. Good people don’t need to do that because they already know they are good, and they’ll attract more of the same. Desperate people only attract other desperate people with whom they can be desperate together. Or worse: they attract the pretentious, holier than thou, wanna-be someone specials who feed off desperation because it actually lends credence to their “I’m The Best” way of thinking. And desperate people don’t mind being groupies, and pretentious people love having them. This dynamic in its entirety is enough to alienate any good people who are witnesses. Not only is it alienating en toto, it’s actually quite disgusting. And very sad. Pathetic, even.

I’ve finally gotten to a point in my life and marriage that I don’t have time for any of the above nonsense any more. I would rather spend my time with real, authentic, good human beings than waste my time with all those other jokers. If I can’t find real, authentic and good human beings in person then I will happily spend time with my husband, who is as authentic and good as they come. Or I will spend time online re-connecting with the dozens of amazing people I call friends who live far away. This is a very simple and logical change that surely will eliminate a great deal of pain and disappointment from this beautiful wonder of life that doesn’t leave us much time for these childish games.