Florida · Politics · Repatria

America Reflections

Photo by Jingxi Lau on Unsplash.

As I’ve been going through my folders and folders of unpublished draft writings I found another little gem. It’s a poetic series of musings on life in America after my unexpected repatriation in 2011 from almost 10 years bouncing around Europe. Again, it’s wild how evergreen these thoughts are. I’ve only edited out typos, and still this could easily be something I wrote Yesterday, 2021.

Land of the quick fix. Land of consumption. Land of overwhelming opulence and sadness. Unhappiness masked by plastic smiles. Potsmoking smiles. Drunk smiles. The land of superficial encounters. Stay on the surface. Of everything. Life. Love. Connection. Stay drugged. Stay numb. Feel nothing. Make money. Get rich. Buy drugs. Work. Work will set you free. A big house means you are someone. Do drugs. Stay numb. Feel nothing. America. Land of the quick fix.

Land of the government that ruins the world. Iraq. Israel. Turkey. Sudan. Congo. China. Mexico. The land of the modern dictatorship. See the blank stares as they watch TV. Paris Hilton. That is what they know in the land of the quick fix. Paris Hilton’s sex video. Britney Spears shaved her head. Lindsey Lohan in rehab. Paris Hilton does jail. This is what they know. They may not care. But this is what they know. They don’t care to know what else. What else happens elsewhere? What does their apathy cause around the globe? Consume. Keep consuming. Stay on the surface. Stay drugged. Stay numb. Laugh. Have a good time. Party. Stay numb.

Land of the haves. Land of the have nots. Land of gun rights. Land of hate crimes. Land of white superiority. Land of white fear. Land of gang bangers. Land of the unspoken war. Feel nothing. Stay protected. Watch your back. Take what you can. Take what you want. The American Dream is yours for the grabbing. Grab it while the grabbings hot. Pick it while the McDonalds is fresh.

Land of the anti-depressant. Treat the surface, not the root. Let the root fester and rot. Let the disease spread through the womb. Let your children come second to you. Let your depression rule your life. Take more pills. Take some more. Eat more junk food. Do drugs. Anything to fill the spiritual void. Any thing to avoid your emptiness. Your empty heart. Your vapid soul. Your blank stare. Your inability. Take more pills. Drink more. Hang out on the surface. Do more drugs. Drink. Exersise. Eat. Consume. Keep shoveling it in. Do it. Just do it. More. More. More.

I need a bigger car. I need a new car. I need a new face. I need a new ass. I need a new wife. I need new kids. I need a second home. I need ten homes. I need a new car. A bigger car. A prettier wife. Skinnier children. I need a bigger dick. I need to be loved. I need to consume. I need to not go too deep. I’m scared. I need more Prozac. I need sleeping pills. I need a laxative. I need something for my restless leg. I need a new car. I need a new face. I want to be new.

Land of the nip tuck. Land of the nipping away at resources. Land of the throwing away. I want something new. That is so last generation. Keep things. New. I want newness. I want freshness. I want to be clean. I want to be sterile. I want to sparkle. I want to be famous. Can you make me famous? What can you do for me? Are you someone? I want to be someone. I don’t care how.

Land where the poorest live better than the richest in other nations. Land of mediocrity. Land of hypocrisy. Land of brutality. Gunshot residue. Out damn spot. Wake me up before you go-go. Something happens and I’m head over heels. I’ve got my finger on the trigger. I’ll spread my wings and I’ll learn how to fly. I will vote for American Idol. I’m not political. I believe in equal rights. I’m not a feminist. Why should I have a passport? This is the centre of the universe. This is everything. Here is all I would ever dream to need.

Land of the bubble people. Rolling around in their little world. Obese on apathy. Empty on spirituality. Running in place without running. I’m bored of this spot, I need more drugs. I’m depressed. I don’t know why. I feel bad. I’m hungry. I’m bored. Give me more drugs. I need to consume. I need to fill this void. I don’t have a void. I’m fine. So long as I have the drugs. The money. The sex. The strippers. The surgery. The gun. I’m fine. Give me my pills. Give me more pills.

Boca Raton, FL
May 12, 2007

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