do you ever get the feeling that you are meant for something more?
not just something more, but something great? something amazing, something extraordinary.
a feeling that is more than just a feeling or a hunch; something deep down into the dark core of you that tells you that you are special. that you are magic.
if you have ever felt like that then you understand how i feel right now. how i feel trapped in such a mediocre of lives. how i pass my days waiting for something, i don’t know what, that will finally make some sense and will explain to me why i have lived with this feeling since as long as i can remember. how the banality of the world that surrounds me chokes me into a submissive head bowing from lack of oxygen.
holds me back from whatever it is destiny has in store for me.
or is it just that destiny is biding Her time? that whatever it is i feel is pending will soon show itself and this feeling will make some sense?
my father loves to remind me how i have the exact same horoscope as Queen Elizabeth I. the exact same horoscope. i am meant to be as famous, as infamous. my soul is marked with her imprint. i have mystical visions and cosmic vibrations. i dream. i feel. i know things that i should not know. i feel.
this feeling. this i don’t know what of knowing that there is something more for me than this, something more, there are no words for what the more is just that i feel i am wasting my days, i have been wasting my life, there is something more. what is it? where is it? tell me, please!
i wait. i choke. i suffocate. i am hopeful. i wait. i wait. with hope. i am waiting. i am waiting. i am waiting. i wait. i hope.