Culture · Vampires

Teacup Vampires

Teacup Vampires.
Teacup Vampires.

For the first time in my life, I am working with children. I don’t particularly like children, or want to have any of them, but this job is exactly what I need to supplement my writing and so I’m doing it, with interesting results. Day One with the kids was insane. Spending my two hours with them, 3-5pm, felt like a full day’s work. Afterwards, everything ached and I could barely put together a coherent sentence by the time I got home.

This got me to thinking about something Eric Northman, a vampire on the HBO show “True Blood,” said in the most recent episode: He called children “teacup humans,” as he looked hungrily on. His Hotness may have a point, but I’ve got a different one — Children are Teacup Vampires to other humans, sucking them dry of every unit of psychic energy, and then some more. That’s the real reason kids can just run around in circles and never stop, while you get more and more exhausted just from watching them. They are feeding!

This would also explain why parents are such strange creatures. They are a constant food source for the Teacup Vampires and subsequently tend to be barely able to carry on an adult conversation or why they have totally lost touch with all acceptable social norms of behaviour. Like scooping food out of the child’s mouth into their own, allowing their kid to run around screaming in a restaurant or airplane, or hitting them in public when they’ve misbehaved.

Like with Grande Vampires, once your life force has been taken by a Teacup Vampire, you always have a connection with it. By Day 2 my whole perspective had already changed and I started to feel sympathy, empathy and *gulp* love towards the Teacup Vampires who so vexed and exhausted me the first day. Because they had taken so much of me already, I was starting to be able to see from their perspective far more easily and I’m not so slowly being converted into one of their minions. It took them a grand total of TWO days for them to get to me.

Already I’m feeling fuzzy on the details of this theory, or why it was so important that I write it at all. Good thing I wrote this down before I forgot how it felt like to not be under their spell. Teacup Vampires work fast!